Draft 1.1 (with feedback from Jools)

I’ve got to go upstairs and do some work

By Richard Parr


1. Int. Males bedroom – Morning

Close up on the male tucked up in bed, the only light source is the scrambling of the television (cut to television, then back to the male). The camera gradually pans out slowly, exposing a mid shot of the room, which consists of a bedside table with an alarm clock, displaying the time 5:59.TRY AND WRITE THIS WITHOUT THE CAMERA MOVES IN. IT MAKES FOR A BETETR READ. As the time hits 6am a blast of an alarm sound and screeching tyres wakes the male quite sharply. He reacts quite drastically, by sitting up straight away in a sweat and with his eyes wide open (slightly panicked)

He looks at the time and turns off the alarm and television. He turns on a light and opens the curtains (still quite dark).He collects a towel off the floor and walks off screen.

2. Int. Shower – Morning

A mid/close up of the male’s upper body. He is washing his hair then we cut to close ups on his wounds then back to him. He hears a distant female scream, he stops, looks around. Puts his head into his hands and stares at the shower tiles, he seems quite depressed. HOW DO WE KNOW THIS? WHAT DO WE SEE?
After about 10 seconds he turns off the shower and moves out of the static mid shot. WHAT IS IMPORTANT ABOUT THE 10 SECONDS? CAN THIS BE WRITTEN SO WE FEEL THE EMOTION OF THE MOMENT RATHER THAN SIMPLY TECHNICALLY WHAT US HAPPENING?

3. Int. Male’s bedroom – Morning

The male walks into the room and starts to put on a suit, we see this with close ups CAMERA SHOT? such as pulling the trouser from his feet, buttoning of the shirt and tightening of the tie. Once the dressing is complete there’s a cut to a mid shot of him in his funeral suit. DO WE WANT TO REVEAL THIS MOMENT HERE?

4. Int. Stairs and Dining room

We follow the male down stairs, and as he reaches the bottom, post is delivered, so he picks up the letters, slight cut to a close up of the letters exposing the name of the flat mates name on all of the post. He continues to walk down stairs through to the dining room where his flat mate sits eating cereal.

CAN HE HAVE A NAME THIS MAN? IS HE CALLED THE MALE FOR A REASON? AS OPPOSED TO GIVING HIM A NAME?


Flat mate

“Are those for me?”

Male

(Reluctantly)

Yea...

Flat mate

“Hey, why the attitude? And the suit?”

The male looks back in disgust and surprise.

The flat mate realises the occasion and his face drops into a cautious/sympathetic expression.

Flat mate

“O... I’m sorry, it hasn’t hit me yet. I forget what happened and wake up some times believing nothing has happened.”

Male

“I’m glad you can get sleep, I think I have only had about 4 hours sleep since… well you know.

Flat mate

“I know… well you know me, I have quite a lot of sleep, more than I want sometimes (laughs)”

Male looks back with yet again another look of disgust.

Flat mate

“Look, I’m sorry, I’m just trying to keep my head together and get on with it.”

Male

“Yea, but that isn’t easy for me, I caused it! It was my fault.”




Flat mate

“Look it wasn’t your fault! You didn’t mean for it to happen, it just did! I don’t blame you! (Whilst gesturing towards a framed photo) And I’m sure ***** doesn’t blame you too.”

The male’s face drops as he looks towards the photo.

Cut to a close up on a framed picture of the three friends (Male, flat mate and *****) and back to the males face.

Male

“Are you sure you don’t blame me?”

Flat mate

“Of course I don’t, you couldn’t have known it was going to happen. It just happened! That’s life… well or was? You know what I mean.”

The male sadly nods HOW DOES A PERSON NOD SADLY? DOES A SAD NOD LOOK DIFFERENT TO OTHER TYPES OF NOD?

Flat mate

“Well, I’m sorry I can’t come today, I’ve got to go upstairs and do some work”

Male

“Yea, I know”

Flat mate finishes off his cereal and then walks to the doorway, taps the male on the shoulder and walks out the room. Close up on the male’s deeply saddened face with the sound of footsteps banging up the stairs.
THIS SCENE IS A LITTLE TOO 'ON THE NOSE' IN THAT IT STATES A LITTLE TOO MUCH. WE ARE GOING TO LOOK AT SUBTEXT THIS FRIDAY AND THE POWERPOINT LECTURE PUT ON VLP ASKS YOU TO LOOK AT THIS. THIS SCENE NEEDS TO DO MUCH MORE OF THIS AND LESS STATING WHAT IS HAPPENING DIRECTLY
5. Ext – Outside a florist

From across a road or a mid/long shot we see the male exiting with a bunch of flowers or a rose.
IF WE DONT KNOW ITS A FUNERAL THEN THIS SCENE MIGHT WORK OTHERWISE I'M NOT SURE OF ITS PURPOSE
6. Int – Backseat of a car

The car is moving and we see the male from a side view and from the front passenger seat(camera position), he has his flowers in hand and looking quite distraught, we hear the a lot of non digetic sound such as a 999 call of a car crash, then a policemen declaring results of a breathalyser test.

As this continues the male becomes more and more uncomfortable.
AGAIN THIS SHOULD BE WRITTEN AS WE HEAR IT AND NOT YOU DESCRIBING WHAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPENING
7. Ext – Graveyard

Male walks towards the graveyard and the non digetic dialogue continues with hospital or police sounds, male continues to feel more uncomfortable. Sounds becomes frantic, as it continues to the sounds of a hospital machine bleeping and people screaming. Then the sound cuts to a big Ben sound like gong (12 notes). As the first gong hits, the other friend named ‘******’ turns up in all funeral clothing beside him, then a non digetic sound of a doctor declaring the time of death for the flat mate. Then a shot of the gravestone (saying the flat mates name), then to a shot of the letters in scene 4 changing into different letters (or none), the flat mate disappearing from the dining table, and then disappearing from the framed photo. Then cut to the male screaming and panicking in the graveyard, then a screech of tyres and alarm. Cut to scene one of male waking up in a sweat (close up on face).

Fade to black
THINK THE SECOND CHARACTER DOESNT REALLY COME ACROSS. PERHAPS THE SCENE WITH THE FLATMATE COULD BE THIS
End